Artisanal Mountain Air
Hand-harvested at altitude and sealed in a mason jar. Open it and it is gone. That is the experience.
Sticker price$49.00Actual value$0.00
The clearance aisle of the soul
Every product below is fictional. The honest picks are real things that make good gifts.
The Manifestation Candle
Light it, close your eyes and picture your rent paying itself. Scent: vague optimism with notes of overdraft.
Sticker price$88.00Actual value$0.00
Blockchain-Verified Ornament
You own a certificate saying you own a picture of an ornament. The ornament is not included. Neither is the tree.
Sticker price$299.00Actual value$0.00
The Hustle Planner
365 pages, each printed with the words "rise and grind." Sleep is scheduled for next year.
Sticker price$65.00Actual value$0.00
Wrapping Paper Club
$19.99 a month for one sheet of paper. Cancel any time by fax, in person, during a full moon.
Sticker price$239.88/yrActual value$0.00
The Detox Snow Globe
Shake it and toxins leave your body. They do not. But the glitter is very calming while they stay.
Sticker price$120.00Actual value$0.00
The honest version
A good insulated water bottle. Drinking water is the whole detox.
Find a water bottleHow to Sell Courses: The Course
Module one teaches you to sell module two. Module two is a link to module one. Graduates get a certificate of having paid.
Sticker price$997.00Actual value$0.00
The Smart Fruitcake
App required. Wi-Fi required. Monthly firmware updates. It is still a fruitcake, and nobody will eat it.
Sticker price$149.00Actual value$0.00
A Gift Card to a Gift Card Store
$50 buys you a $40 card that can only be spent on other gift cards. It is gift cards all the way down.
Sticker price$50.00Actual value$40.00, technically